


my heart keeps bleeding

by gingergenower



Series: keeping you safe [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Feels, M/M, Post Edom Angst, Season/Series 03, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 21:46:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14066253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergenower/pseuds/gingergenower
Summary: The evening Magnus returns from Edom.





	my heart keeps bleeding

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from Calum Scott's [You Are the Reason](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShZ978fBl6Y)

It’s not sex. It’s desperation.

Pressed into his own front door by shaking hands and frantic lips, Magnus fumbles blindly with Alec’s belt buckle. His jacket’s somewhere on the stairs, Alec’s shirt in the corridor outside his apartment, but he doesn’t care.

He should rest- he doesn’t have any magic left and he’s exhausted- but there’s not a single part of him that wants to stop. They both need this.

Kissing messy and reckless, Alec’s grip biting fingerprint bruises into Magnus’ skin and Magnus whimpering into his mouth, they try to make each other understand what they’re feeling because there aren’t the words.

There was a moment- heart in his hands and someone else’s fingers around his throat- when Magnus didn’t believe he would see Alec again. It lingered long enough for Magnus to think that yes, that last kiss would be their _last_ kiss, and Alec might not know for a long time, and he lived for centuries and only had months of them with Alec but at least they were his last; the happiest and most loved he’d ever been. He’d never drop his glamour again just to take Alec’s breath away. He’d never fall asleep on the couch while Alec reads, too unwilling to leave Alec’s warmth for the bed. He’d never watch Alec grow old.

Finally figuring out the belt, Magnus yanks it free of the loops and drops it too. Filling the space he made between them, Alec pushes a leg between Magnus’ and breaks the kiss to run open lips up Magnus’ jaw.

Eyes fluttering shut, head thudding against the door, it’s almost too much to bear- proximity and touch and _mouth_ , it’s all Alec- but Magnus will bear it. There’s nowhere else he would rather fall apart.

Alec moves down to his throat, listening when Magnus’ breathing hitches. When he’s kissing the skin over Magnus’ pulse and he whimpers, Alec lingers, sucking harder.

‘Alexander-’

He _bites_ and Magnus sags, the hard line of Alec’s body and the door the only reason he’s still standing- and Alec whispers his name against his skin, moving back up to face him, both of them panting, Magnus stunned.

The source of Magnus’ most difficult grief has always been his immortality, but he’d never considered what dying might feel like. He understands exactly what Alec meant in their conversations in the dark- to know you’re hurting someone by loving them is its own kind of pain.

Alec’s eyes search Magnus’ face, looking pained. ‘You’re real.’

Magnus nods, trying to smile. ‘I’m real.’

Eyes closed, Alec leans into him, and Magnus does the same. Neither of them can think what else to say.

He kisses Alec with parted lips, and Alec eventually responds, hands sliding up to the hem of Magnus’ shirt and slowly tugging it off. They should aim for the bedroom or a couch or something, but Alec’s fingers move a little more quickly, unbuttoning Magnus’ pants, and Magnus forgets to suggest it.

They have time, but they don’t want to wait.

It’s a blur, after that. All of it’s too rough, too much- Alec whispering into his skin, over and over, fist full of his hair and fingers digging into his ribs-

‘-you’re real you’re real you’re real-‘

-and he remembers fighting back tears, burying his face in Alec’s neck, a silent _yes_. He remembers muscles clenching and both of them holding on just to breathe, Alec’s sweat on his tongue and skin under his hands and coming first. He remembers Alec, wrecked and crying and shaking.

There aren’t the words because there have never been the words for this.

**Author's Note:**

> the reason I haven't been posting much (despite all the new subscribers! hello lovely people!) is because I'm working on a longer malec fic, although the way I'm writing it means it's canon compliant and my finicky ass might need all of season 3 before I let myself finish it. if that's the case, it'll be a while before I post it, but hopefully I'll write some other stuff in the meantime :) 
> 
> also, writing that bit where he bites Magnus’ neck took me three days because it took me that long to give in to the run-on sentence
> 
> for the love of god tell me this was worth it


End file.
